


Your Hands Protect The Flames From The Wild Winds Around You

by Velocity_Owl87



Category: Norse Religion & Lore, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Acceptance, Aftermath of Violence, Alternate Reality, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Ambiguous Relationships, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Family Feels, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Hopeful Ending, Major Character Injury, Non-Graphic Violence, Non-Sexual Intimacy, Permanent Injury, Recovery, Robbery, Survivor Guilt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-14
Updated: 2013-12-14
Packaged: 2018-01-04 15:12:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,731
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1082516
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Velocity_Owl87/pseuds/Velocity_Owl87
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was just supposed to be a snack run, the prelude to a weekend of family bonding for Balder, his brother Thor and their cousin Loki. But the two armed men changed all of that. </p><p>Now Balder watches as his cousin Loki struggles with his crippling guilt over Thor's injuries while he hides from his brother, unable to face and accept that Thor is not the brother he once was.</p><p>At least until Loki finally takes matters into his own hands.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Your Hands Protect The Flames From The Wild Winds Around You

**Author's Note:**

> One thing I had noticed is that there are very few stories dealing with Thor being the one badly injured or dealing with a disability and what the effects of his injury would have on the rest of his family. It's always Loki that gets this, so this was indirectly prompted by those kinds of stories and re-reading some of Fear Itself. 
> 
> I also do like Balder and it made sense he would be a better narrator of all that is going on between Thor and Loki as well as his own emotions being in the mix. 
> 
> This has been edited, but if there are mistakes, apologies and they will be fixed. 
> 
> Title is from Bastille's "Icarus".

“ _So what are we getting here? We need a plan before Thor ends up buying the entire store here.” Balder asked as he tucked his hands in his pocket and rocked lightly on his heels as he waited for his older brother and cousin to make up their minds._

_Loki, their cousin and Thor's best friend, snickered and jabbed Thor in the side, making Balder's brother squawk in indignation._

“ _Balder's right. We gotta make a plan. It's not like we have the car this time around and I'm not eating stale junk food for the rest of the week because you got overexcited and cleared out the aisles.”_

_Thor deigned to look hurt for about a few more moments before sighing and shrugging._

“ _All right. I'm for tortilla chips and salsa and Coke, I mean it's only fair if we're going to be doing a movie marathon.” He pointed out, fishing out a couple of crumpled notes out of his enormous hoodie. He always justified dressing like a college kid on that he had to be dressed up at work all the time, so the weekends were the only time his enormous collection of hoodies and ripped jeans made an appearance. Loki, Balder noticed, was still dressed somewhat decently, in a tailored jacket, shirt, and pressed jeans._

_Loki shrugged. “Ice cream and chocolate for me and you Balder?”_

“ _I want Ketchup chips and Sprite.” Balder decided, knowing full well that Thor would share his stash if he was asked. Balder also knew that Loki was banking on it, by the way that he picked the sweets. It was just the system that they had worked out since they were kids and it worked out fine._

_Thor nodded and Loki bumped into him, both of them consumed in the friendly bickering that kept Balder snickering and amused as he trailed behind them with the shopping cart._

“ _We should come at this time more often. “Loki commented as they looked around the nearly empty store. There were two other guys standing by the milk and the magazine racks and inching closer to the till, but they didn't notice them right then and there._

_The brothers noticed them when Loki got a text from his Aunty Frigg, Thor and Baldur’s mother, reminding them to pick up a jug of milk for breakfast. Balder sighed and ran to get the milk and that was when the shouts started._

_Balder grabbed the jug, threw it in the cart and hid behind one of the displays in the aisle and swore softly to himself when he saw that one of the men was pointing a gun at the cashier and the other had grabbed Loki and had a gun pointed at his temple. Thor, meanwhile, was trying to talk the man into letting a snarling and struggling Loki go. He had his hands up and was trying to make himself look harmless, despite being six feet and change and built like a rugby player to boot._

_Balder stayed hidden and fished his mobile out of his pocket, keeping an eye on the proceedings as he dialled up 911. He had just punched in the first number when sirens and blue and red lights filled the entire store._

_It all moved so damned fast after that and Balder only remembered flashes of light and sound as the first gunman shot at the cashier and rushed out of the store and the second one aimed the gun at Thor, trying to keep him away from Loki, who had upped his struggling and was working on getting free for all he was worth._

_The first gunman then doubled back and grabbed at the second one, jostling him._

_And the gun went off not once, but twice, and Thor collapsed like a ton of bricks while Loki screamed._

“Gaah!” Balder sat up in bed, his heart thumping painfully in his chest as he came to in his darkened room. He took a few deep breaths and ran his hands through his damp brown hair, making it stick up all over his head in unruly cowlicks before he grabbed his jeans and padded downstairs. He wasn't going to go back to sleep after that dream. He had learned from trial and error in the past couple of months that all that he would do was lie and stew in guilt and shame until morning came and he had to force himself to go through the day exhausted physically and emotionally.

Rubbing his neck, he went quietly down the staircase and past the room that was partially closed, the door being propped open by a bit of plastic sheeting. He resisted the impulse to tuck it in and properly close the door. He knew what was on the other side.

He went into the kitchen and went straight to the coffee pot, not bothering to look at the man that was sitting at the table in crumpled track pants and shirt and a mug of coffee cradled in his too thin hands. This was a routine that had started ever since that night and Balder had a feeling it wasn't going to ever end. He wanted to believe it possibly could, but he knew how obstinate Loki was. He knew himself also.

So he only picked up a cup, dumped milk and sugar into it before sloppily pouring coffee into it and sitting across from Loki, who looked even worse than Thor had, with his skin gone dry and chalky white and his eyes red-rimmed and bloodshot. He took a long swallow of the coffee and savoured the taste, not wanting to break the desolate and oppressive silence in the kitchen with empty words and platitudes.

Despite always being an optimistic man, Balder couldn't bring himself to see the bright side. Not when it came to Thor. Thor, his perfect older brother who always seemed invincible. The pillar of their family, the one that held them together was now lying in the hospital across town with tubes going into his body and unable to sit up or move on his own.

Balder hadn't seen him and as far as he knew, neither had Loki.

He couldn't go because he didn't trust himself to not break down when he saw Thor so broken and helpless. He already could picture it, from the descriptions their mother had given them after she had returned from the hospital, her voice clogged with sorrow and breaking as she spoke. Yet she kept on talking and Balder could see his brother lying there, glassy eyes and pale as he fought the infections and the dire prognosis and the drugs that kept him hazy and numb and unable to feel that half of his body wasn't working anymore. He didn't need to see the reality and bawl like a child and cause his brother more pain.

He couldn't break in front of his childhood hero. He couldn't do that to Thor.

So Balder stayed away until he was sure he could keep his shit together and be strong for Thor.

“Have you gone to see him?”

Balder swallowed, his eyes widening at the sudden question. He shook his head.

Loki's mouth curled into an ugly sneer as he too drank his coffee.

“Have you?” Balder managed to get out.

“Of course. It's my fault he got shot. I'm a lot of things, cousin. A coward isn't one of them.”

Loki replied in a flat voice that made Balder wince worse than the jab Loki had taken at him.

To say that Loki hadn't dealt with Thor's injury was putting it lightly. Balder had been taken outside by a kind policewoman. He had missed seeing Loki mutely pressing his expensive jacket down on Thor's wounds, putting pressure on them and probably saving his life. When Balder had seen Loki being led away after the paramedics had started to work on Thor, he had been empty. Like Loki had just...Gone. He wasn't there anymore and he was completely numb the whole ride there and even when they had been ushered into a family room to wait for Odin and Frigga to show up.

It had only been when the doctor's had come in, still covered in Thor's blood to tell them how much damage the bullets had done that Loki had exploded. Even today, Balder couldn't recall another time that Loki had simply broken down so spectacularly. He had just lost it and it had taken a good deal of orderlies and sedatives to finally knock him out until he was able to weep in Frigga's arms once he had finally come to again in a bed in a different part of the hospital.

He had been left standing there in front of his father and neither of them could say anything. His father had finally reached out and embraced him, holding him tightly as if he was afraid to lose him also before they were asked if they wanted to see Thor.

Balder had shaken his head and stood there, mutely watching his father leave with tears trickling down his face. He was nineteen and he had wept like a child in that destroyed room until it had been time to go back home.

“It wasn't your fault, Loki.” Balder replied, his jaw working as forced the memories back. Loki scoffed at that and smiled bitterly.

“If I had just _gone_ to get that fucking milk, they wouldn't have used me as bait and Thor wouldn't have been the fucking hero that he always is and-”

“And it would have been me up there and Thor would have been killed, because he wouldn't have stopped to think. It wasn't your fault, Loki. That's just him. He's never backed away from protecting anyone that needs it. That's him. He's a hero and that's never going to change.”

Loki smirked and nodded. It was faint, not his usual expression of dry amusement, but it had been a start, since Balder was sure he hadn't seen more than suggestions of expressions on his face.

“He's always the hero, wasn't he? Always doing the right thing, even when it would get him in trouble. That soft-hearted fool.”

The last was nearly a breath, a mere suggestion of a thought that made Balder wonder if he was actually supposed to have heard it. He chanced a glance at Loki's face and what he saw there was so raw and so private that he had to look away. He had known that his brother and Loki were close.

He just hadn't realized exactly _how_ deep that closeness was.

Balder sighed and ran his hands through his hair, messing it up even more in an effort to hide how flustered he was at that unsolicited glance into their relationship as well as to compose himself and tell Loki what he felt his cousin needed desperately to hear.

“If you want to blame anyone, blame those assholes. They had the guns. They were the ones that hurt Thor. Not you. Not me. It was only them and they will pay.”

Loki only nodded, staying silent and rubbing his nose hard as he let the words sink in. He then took a deep breath, exhaling slowly before he turned to Balder.

“So why aren't you visiting him, then? If it's not guilt, then why aren't you there to talk to him?”

Balder bit his lip and shook his head. “Because I'm a fucking coward. Because every time I think of seeing the brother I used to worship, the brother that I though invincible lying helpless in a hospital bed...I know I won't be able to take it and that's the last thing I want him to see. That's why.”

He spat the last out before abruptly standing up and knocking the chair over as he stalked out of the room, leaving Loki alone with his thoughts and his coffee.

~*~*~*~*~

He was woken up by his duvet being pulled away and his clothes dropped onto his face.

“What the fuck?” He sputtered as he pulled off his shirt and jeans and was met with an impeccably dressed Loki looking down at him.

“Get dressed. We're going to the hospital in twenty.”

Balder opened his mouth to protest, but the look that Loki gave him withered anything he was going to say. He had never been on the receiving end of those looks, but he could understand why Loki, despite not having Thor's bulk, was intimidating in his own right. It also suddenly made sense why he had never been bullied once people had figured out exactly who he was related to. Huh.

It didn't take that long for him to get ready and the drive to the hospital was done with the radio filling the silence between them. Loki's fingers kept twitching on the steering wheel and he didn't look once over at Balder until they were in the parking lot and making their way to the ICU wing. It wasn't so much as a glance, but rather a warning that Balder got loud and clear.

They passed by a nurse's station where Loki nodded politely to the nurses on duty and a few more rooms before they stopped in front of a room that had the door half-shut to keep some of the noise out. Balder chanced a glance at Loki, who waved his hand towards the room, his expression still as he waited for Balder to go inside.

Balder bit his lip, took a deep breath, pushed the door open and walked in.

It wasn't anything like he had pictured, since the room was more or less bare, with mostly the bed and a few machines. The blankets were pulled up to Thor's chest and hid most of the brace that held Thor completely still on the bed and kept him looking at the ceiling. His hair had been sheared short and Balder felt a slight twinge at the sight of Thor's cropped head.

He felt a slight cracking in his chest at the sight, but he kept on moving until he was in Thor's line of vision.

And was immediately rewarded by a smile of genuine delight.

“Balder! You came!”

Balder nodded, not trusting himself to speak just then and only took Thor's hand into his own.

“I've missed you, little brother.”

Balder swallowed before leaning over to press his forehead to Thor's.

“It's great to see you.” Thor whispered, reaching up with his free hand and cupping his head.

That was when Balder broke.

“Sshh. It's okay. It's okay.” Thor murmured, rubbing Balder's head just like he had when they were children, murmuring soothing words until Balder had cried his guilt out and was calm enough to sit in the visitor's chair and drink the tepid water the nurses left there for Thor to drink.

“All right?” Thor asked, making Balder really think about it. Despite the embarrassment of having bawled all over his brother, the weight that had been sitting in his chest was finally lighter. Not completely gone, but for the first time since the shooting, he could say it would happen.

“Yeah. I will be.”

Thor smiled, his smile getting wider when Loki came into the room with coffee and scones.

“Please tell me you brought cranberry ones.” Thor spoke up hopefully, his eyes following Loki's movements around the room as Loki brought the rolling table over and put the treats down. He handed Balder one, their eyes meeting for the briefest of moments.

But it was enough and Loki smiled briefly as he stuck a straw into one of the cups and pulled out a scone. Once that was done, he moved the other chair closer to the bed so that Thor could see him easily.

“I ate the last one on the way here. I got you blueberry instead.”

“Loki!”

“He's fucking with you. He's got it on the table!”

Loki made a bitchface at Balder then.

“Seriously, Balder Did you have to spoil it so soon?”

“Well, I know who's got my back then!”

“Do you want the fucking scone or not?”

“Loki!”

It wasn't quite the same as Balder remembered. There were pauses and a few silences in between, but the banter was there and in time, it would come back again.

He was pretty sure of it.


End file.
